a year later...

my sister gave me this idea that she had seen/heard about from a friend whose mom kept a journal to her son for 30 years (without his knowing) and gave the journal to him for his 30th birthday... i love the sentiment, so i figured i'd start my own journal of sorts to jayme (and i'll do the same for any future children we may have). never-mind the fact that i need to edit (i decided to just go with the flow and not look back)...

Dear Jayme,

I cannot believe how a year has gone by in the blink of an eye! I can almost recall every detail of the night before I was to be induced (we had a sushi dinner and uncle junior flew in from Florida to be here for your arrival), to breakfast the Friday morning (while I curled my hair your daddy made me a breakfast sandwich to fuel me up for a long day of labor) before we left for the hospital at 7am. The day seemed to move effortlessly as they hooked me up to Petocin @ 10:00, your daddy and I anxiously awaited your final descent into our lives as we discussed final name options, what kind of parents we were going to be, and how crazy it was that we were going to be “parents!” It was almost surreal… when Dr. Gray decided to get the “show on the road” (by breaking my water) at 3:00; I braced myself for my most important role in life- motherhood. I chose to forgo the epidural (for several reasons, but mainly because I wanted you to enter this life in the most natural way possible)… I also remembered what my mom (your nana) told me before going in- she said (and the labor nurse confirmed) that labor isn’t just rough on the mom, but every contraction I felt, you felt as well… so I made it my goal to get you out for both our sakes as fast as I could! 5:15 the nurse said “you can start pushing now”- when I asked her how long I would have to push for (1-3 hours), I put every ounce of energy/adrenaline/anxiousness into getting you out of my protective womb and into my embrace and at 5:47 PM I became a mother, and your daddy became a proud father beaming like I’ve never seen a man so proud!

It seems impossible that the same little 7lb 12 oz newborn, who was 100% dependent on her mommy and daddy, is now a year later beginning to walk, talk, and blossom into the most precious gift two people could ever receive! Somehow (I’m pretty sure it happened overnight) you have the sweetest- and yet sassy- strong-willed personality… I can’t wait to see the driven woman I know you will become one day (but not too soon because I am not ready for you to grow up just yet!) Your strong-willed nature reminds your daddy and me a lot of your nana. Your anticipated arrival brought your nana (daddy’s mom) an extra year of time on this Earth… we told her we were pregnant on her birthday, and I’m pretty sure you were the angel she needed to give her those last several months. Even though she wasn’t able to make it for your first birthday, I have a feeling she has been and will be watching you grow everyday from the floor of Heaven. Your daddy and I look forward to sharing stories about the incredible woman you won’t get to meet in person, but the sweet memories will bring her legacy to life.

You have a pretty incredible man for your daddy! Because he works so hard (irregardless of the many obstacles that have come his way this first year), I have been blessed to be able to stay home with you each day. It makes me sad when I think of other moms that don’t have the opportunity to stay home and see every milestone unfold before their eyes on a daily basis. There have been days where I swear you have grown/changed in the short time of your hour nap! It’s crazy to think that even though I am with you literally 12-24 hours a day (depending on sleep times), I can’t get enough of you! Your daddy makes fun of me because every time I go upstairs for anything, I always have to check on you (even though I’ve caught him doing the same thing). You are my built in alarm clock in the morning, and it’s the most pleasant wake-up call a mom could ask for! You typically start chirping away and bang on the corner of your crib in anticipation of a new day… and there is nothing like the joy you bring my heart every morning when I am greeted by your sweet smile (behind the binkie) and fresh bed-head. You love to wave out the window or at yourself in the mirror after I pick you up from your crib (it makes me laugh every time). You were a vocal baby since only a couple months old, and that gift of gab has only increased as you’ve grown. Even though the only words you really say are “dad, dada, baba (baby), and hi”, you carry on a conversation (sometimes so serious with yourself, other times you are complete goofball- like your mommy) and you draw attention from anyone who is within ear-shot. Your larger than life personality keeps us entertained daily! It’s a bittersweet feeling to know that a year has passed, and my baby girl is now officially a toddler- who will soon enough be a little girl. Even though time seems to have gone by in the blink of an eye, I made a point from the moment you were born to savor every second of holding you close, rocking you to sleep, nursing you, playing with you, dancing like no one is watching, and laughing with you until my stomach hurts because I know that before long (hopefully longer) you won’t want your mama smothering you with kisses, snuggling you to sleep, or embarrassing you with her silly dancing/singing that once made your infectious laughter fill my heart and our house. It’s simply amazing to experience the amount of love and pure joy a little person can bring to a new mom and dad, and I imagine that love and joy will only grow more intense over the years to come.